Absolute Mortification
by Sweet but Psycho
Summary: Shikimi asked Giima out on a date...and then panicked and ran away.  Oops, probably not the best plan.  Now all she can do is panic in her room while her pokemon be their usual unhelpful selves.  Humour.  One-shot.  T for mild swearing.  Mild, I tell you!


**Disclaimer: I do not own pokemon in any way, shape or form (unfortunately).**

**For those who don't know, Shikimi is the Japanese name for Shauntal, and Giima is the Japanese name for Grimsley. And we're off!**

**Shikimi's point of view.**

Oh no…oh no…oh noooooooo!

Why did I do that? What part of me thought that would be a good idea? Argh, honestly, why would Giima want to go out with me? He's, like, a player and a sex god and probably the most amazingly beautiful guy ever…

Hurr…

So there is no reason why he would say yes to going out with _me_! Honestly, how often do we talk? Like, never. How much do we have in common? Like, nothing. Well, we're both Elite Four members…and we both like creepy pokemon…we could totally talk about that. Right?

No! Not now. Even if there was the smallest chance of him saying yes, I _totally_ blew by running away before he could answer! Oh, but I panicked…ack, I'm such a ditz. But running away was stupid- I mean, he knows exactly where to find me. Here, obviously. When am I not in my room? When I'm battling or eating. Which means he knows there are only three places I could be…

Ah! What if he comes by to laugh at me? I have to hide, right now! Okay, but where? Under Skyarrow bridge? No, too far. In Alder's room? No, there's too many stairs to get there. Under my bed? No…too far again. DAMN YOU LAZINESS!

Okay…okay-okay-okay…Oh, I know! What I can do is- argh, Golurk, get out of the way! Can't you see I'm pacing restlessly? Can't you see that we are on the brink of a major disaster? …Don't look at me like that! Okay, so you obviously can't see…

Um, wait, what did I think of again? Ohh, that new book idea I had! With the engineer that gets locked in one of Darkrai's nightmares, and every time he thinks he's woken up he's actually woken into another nightmare…

No! That wasn't it. But that is a good idea…I should go write that down. Damn it, where's my pen? Why is it all the way across the room? It's like I threw it or something. Why did I do that? Oh yeah! Shit! Why can't I even focus on panicking? Something needs to be done about that. Therapy, or focus lessons or something.

But I'll worry about that after. First, I need to find a way that will make sure Giima can never ever find me, so I won't have to be embarrassed anymore. Um, I'll dye my hair, and change my name! And join a band- become a Madonna impersonator! Haha, I'm a material girl in a material world…lol.

Wait, did I just say lol in my own thoughts? Crap, the humiliation is driving me insane! What to do…food. That will make it better.

Oh? Cofagrigus is playing with the water cooler again…and he hasn't noticed me…hee hee hee.

BOO!

There! How do you like it? Hahahaha! I'm so funny! Why aren't people ever around when I'm this funny? Seriously though, Cofagrigus, quit playing with the water cooler, you're flooding the floor. No, I mean it. Stop it. Cofagrigus, stop right- hey! Crap, why did you throw the water jug at me? I could have been seriously hurt. That's not funny! And now there's water all over the floor. _And_ you can't play with the water cooler anymore. No more bubbles for you. It's a lose-lose situation. You should probably repent.

Or…leave. That works too. Oh well, over to the fridge. Comfort food…what kind of comfort food do we have. Mushrooms? Ew. Processed cheese? Ew. Um…some cream-coloured Tupperware surprise?

…_Ew_.

I should probably get rid of that…it's got little black bits on it. But it smells okay…maybe it's pudding?

BARF! Oh my god, that is _not_ pudding! Ew, ew, ew. I need some water. I definitely should get rid of that. Maybe I could send it to one of those professors and they could analyze it or something. That way, I have a cleaner fridge, and I'm contributing to science.

Nah, it's easier just to throw it out. Okay…so I don't have any comfort food. Time for plan…C, I guess. Maybe I can get Caitlin to teleport me somewhere far away with her psychic powers. But I can't leave the room…no, I just can't go out into the hall. If I sneak around some other way, there's no way anyone will see me. Okay, but what other way is there? Out the window? No, that's too small. And how would I get to Caitlin's window? I'd have to throw rocks at it to wake her up. Like some crappy teenage romance thing. But I don't like Caitlin like that! I like Giima like that…crap! Giima!

Okay…things are getting desperate…I'll need to send a carrier pidove to her room with my message of urgency. But I need a pidove first…no, screw that. I have the next best thing.

CHANDELURE! I need your floating abilities!

Oh…there you are. Why were you hovering behind me? You're not plotting against me again, are you? Don't give me that look, I know you do! You and Cofagrigus, you scheme against me.

Hey, wait! Don't disappear, I need you! Okay, listen up. I'm going to write a message, and I need you to take it to Caitlin, and Caitlin alone. Don't give it to anybody else. I don't know why someone else would try to take it just don't-

What the crap! Why is everyone throwing things at me today? Honestly, that phone is breakable, you know. What? Stop acting so irritated, I need you to carry this message to Caitlin. It's a shame we can't talk instantly, and rely on snail mail like this. Oh wait…

I can use the phone. Geez, Chandelure, why didn't you help me think of that, instead of just throwing things at me? Some friend you are. Anyway…time to make a call.

Hm hm…ring, ring, ring…ring. What an annoying sound. They should change it. Maybe they could make it a like, chime or something. But that would get annoying after a while too…oh, I know! It could be whatever song has topped the pop charts that week! And they could change it each week, so that-

Oh! Hello Cailtin…no, you didn't startle me, that's stupid. I was the one that called you…oh, well sorry for waking you up…yes, it's important! What? No, Cofagrigus didn't put my bed on the roof again…yeah, thanks for helping me out then, by the way. I don't know what I would have done. I could have gotten Marshal to lift it down or something, but I don't know how I would…yes, I already told you it was important! Okay, so here's the thing…what? Er, no, of course it has nothing to do with Giima. What would make you bring that up? …HE TALKED TO YOU? Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to yell…what did he say?…shit. Well, on a completely unrelated note, I need you to do me a favour…NO! Do _not_ talk to Giima, under any circumstances. In fact, don't tell him that I called you. Why didn't I just come over? That's not important right now. Anyway, back on topic…you can teleport people, right? No? Oh, okay. Bye.

Oh, wait a minute. Maybe I shouldn't have just hung up like that. It's probably some social nicety to ask how her life is going. Which is stupid, because I know how her life is going. Sleepy. Which is, like, fifty times better than my life right now. But still, maybe I should call her back. Oh, but what if she's already asleep again? Ugh, why does she sleep so much anyway? I guess it's a lot of effort carrying around all that hair…I'd be exhausted too.

Hm? Who is that tapping, tapping on my chamber door? Hmm, how did the rest of that poem go again? I think I'll go look it up…and I can look up disguises online while I'm at it!

Oh right, the door. The knocking is a social custom that people use to indicate that they would like to talk with whoever is inside. That means I should go answer the door.

Yes, hello? OH MY GOD!

Oops…probably shouldn't have slammed the door. But still, it's Giima! He's at my door. What does that mean? Chandelure! Help me! What does this mean?

It means he's going to _talk_ to me? Shit fire and save matches, I've got to think of a plan, stat!

Ah, knock-knock-knock. Quit a-knock-knocking at my door. Maybe if I yell something at him, he'll go away and I won't have to face this humiliation. Um…Oh, I know. Quoth the raven…

NEVERMORE!

Okay, let's see now…silence…still silent…yes! I did it! Now just leap through the window, land on my trusty ghost's back and scoot off into the-

NO! Don't knock! Wahhh! Chandelure, come here! Help me! Please, you are my closest friend…well screw you! If I ever find away to smack around a disembodied pokemon, you are so dead. Okay…GOLURK! Come help me…Okay, listen, Giima's at the door, and if I open it he's going to say something- most likely in response to that thing I asked him earlier…what? Oh, I asked him out, so now he's here…_what are you doing_?

…Damn him and his strength. He's not on my side either! Honestly, what kind of friend forces someone to turn around and open the door-

Crap! Oh, um. Why hello there, Giima. What a surprise.

Oh my giddy pokegod, he's saying something. What's he saying? He's saying it to me…something about…oh…OH!

HE SAID YES!

Haha! Oh, yippee! I'm going out with Giima! I'm going out with _Giima_. And not just any Giima, the one standing in front of me…oh, well, he's gone now. I think he said something about a date later…we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

But…I'm dating Giima! Chandelure, you beautiful pokemon, come here and dance with me! I'm going it with Giima. I am Giima's girlfriend! Hahahaha! Yes! I rule! Because I'm going out with Giima!

Haha, I bet none of you have ever gone out with Giima.

Losers.

**A/N Short, yes. But did you like? It's a bit of a different characterization of Shikimi than my other fic, but w/e. I hope I made you laugh at least once- that was the point.**

**Oh…and reviews are nice.**


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